There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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