Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
