i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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