First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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