As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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