Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
