I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
