I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
