did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we should paint friendship bongs
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
