Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
