We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
