Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
