i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
