Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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