We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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