I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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