Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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