I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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