dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I need help removing her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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