I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
