the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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