i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
