no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
