guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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