I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
