Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
