Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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