What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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