We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is Oprah even human
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
