mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
