Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
