Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
