his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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