god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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