I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
