Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
