Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
