I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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