Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
