I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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