Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
