If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
