i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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