I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
