I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
