Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
