Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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