first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
