what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
