So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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