I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
