Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The air was thick with penises
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
